Not Too Super

On Tuesday we went to see "Superman Returns". I might have already mentioned that there is not too much choice when it comes to movies. Almost all movies are always presented dubbed in German and there are only two theatres nearby that play original versions. This week it was the ultimate superhero movie.

All it gave me was a superdepression. How could a movie with Kevin Spacey lack all spirit and sense? There was nothing in it. The dialogue was extremely clichéd to begin with but they maximized the effect when they reused it. The Superman doesn't much speak, maybe it would have been funny to have him mutter to himself, but now the viewer is left with long, silent sequences of uncredible flying and no idea as to what is going through Superman's head. And when he opened his mouth to utter some platitude, I started thinking that maybe Superman is a little bit retarded. Perhaps all that high-speed flying has made him slow in the head.

One scene I remember. Lois Lane has gone unconscious in a life threatening situation in a ship. She wakes up in an airplane and asks "What happened?" The pilot responds "Superman." The next thing the woman says is "We have to go back!" What kind of explanation is "Superman." and how can she know what to do? This scene made absolutely no sense, however much I wanted to believe in it.

Another scene: Lois wanders into the dressing room of Lex Luthor and - suspenseful music intensifies - discovers - (wait for it...) - really scary music now! - TOUPEES! How can anybody be scared by hairpieces? Was it a reference to the deceitfulness of the bald villain? If it was, how would you interpret the secret identity of the hero? Isn't he deceiving people, too?

This movie gets ALL THUMBS DOWN from me. Avoid this supercrap if you can.


I hope reading the comic "The Death of Superman" will cheer me up.

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For the next seven days, I'll be in Leeds to get acquinted with a few Loiners. (Natives of Leeds are called Loiners. Don't ask me why.)

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Suomeksi: Välttäkää "Supermanin paalu"-elokuvaa. Olen Leedsissä seuraavan viikon.